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NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION
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"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.



POLITICAL ART GALLERY



IMPORTANT TOPICS

1. U.S. NEWS MEDIA CAN LEGALLY LIE TO YOU
There is no law preventing the U.S. news media from intentionally lying to the public. Whistle blowers and honest reporters are fired for telling the truth.

2. FLUORIDE IS A TOXIN/POISON
Read the Poison Warning label on your toothpaste, then call the 800# and ask;
"Why do you put poison in my toothpaste?"

3. NEW FLU VACCINE IS LOADED WITH MERCURY
by Dr. Joseph Mercola

4. PEDOPHILES IN HIGH PLACES
Also: Conspiracy of Silence Video

5. ASPARTAME IS HARMFUL
Equal, Nutra-Sweet and over 6000 food and beverage products contain Aspartame

6. On September 10, 2001, Donald Rumsfeld held a press conference to disclose that over $2,000,000,000,000 (2 Trillion) in Pentagon funds could not be accounted for.
Such a disclosure normally would have sparked a huge scandal. However, the commencement of the [9/11] attack on the World Trade Center and The Pentagon the following morning would assure that the story remained buried.


http://drinkingwaterlosangeles.com
Serving the greater Los Angeles area,
Los Angeles Drinking Water is proud to offer Reverse Osmosis filtration systems
that remove trace elements such as arsenic, mercury, lead and fluoride
which are known to be in Los Angeles tap water according to
the 2013 DWP Water Quality report.
POLITICAL ART GALLERY









"If our nation is ever taken over, it will be taken over from within."
~ James Madison, President of the United States

Pages: (6) [1] 2 3 ... Last » ( Go to first unread post ) Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll

> Joke Thread, do you have a good joke?


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Posted: Aug 13 2004, 09:12 PM
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Why did the cavemen drag their women by their hair ?

They quickly found out that when dragging them by their feet, they'd fill up with dirt and rocks making them hard to drag.



"Anyone who'd kiss a 1000 toads to find a prince is a swinging toad looking for a prince."



Why did the blond look at the sun until she went blind? Someone told her to.



My ex-wife was undressing for bed, looking in the mirror, grabbing some fat on her waist, and pointing out her aging indicators to me, asking me if I can find anything good I can say about her. I replied, "your eye sight is still excellent".

She then asked me if I would still want her if she got fat and ugly. I replied, "of course not, is this an IQ test?".

Survival technique:
When traveling in dangerous territories where you could be attacked by animals, always bring someone along, when confronted with immanent danger from attack you don't have to worry about outrunning the animal(s), just the person you brought along.















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Posted: Aug 15 2004, 08:51 AM
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Thanks for the chuckles, I needed that!

Here's one I told to Maureen McCormick (Marcia from the Brady Bunch) back in the early 80s when I was a background gymnastics performer for Fantasy Island.

I had to tell it to her twice so she could write it down in her little book.



What do you have when you have nuts on a wall?



Walnuts




What do you have when you have nuts on your chest?


Chestnuts




What do you have when you have nuts on your chin?




A dick in your mouth.



I know I know... it was raunchy, but you should read the ones still imbedded in my memory.















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QUOTE
"Ye shall know them by their fruits"
~ Matthew 7:16

"Believe nothing. No matter where you read it, or who said it, even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."
~ Buddha
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Posted: Aug 15 2004, 10:22 AM
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Why women are Crabby:

We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10 ) good push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

The teen years. Need I say more?


The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HR. and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.



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Posted: Aug 17 2004, 04:33 AM
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How does a crazy person get out of the forest?











































He takes the pyscho path scoping.gif




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Posted: Aug 17 2004, 11:45 AM
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After the Gulf War, when all the oil wells were ablaze, the U.S. contracted contractors to put out the fires. One contractor was anxious to get his first break working for the government putting out fires. The gov representative who was handing out contracts asked to watch the new contractor put out a fire as a trial before awarding him a contract. The contractor eagerily agreed. 1 day later, the contractor was set to perform for his task and trial, the gov rep and he was in the gov rep's helicopter to see the task completed. The contractor had an 18 wheeler and trailer pull up and onto the top of the berm that surrounded that well, (each well has a protective berm ) the anticipation was heightening. The 18 wheeler started to creep down the burm, heading directly towards the fire. All of a sudden the truck picked up speed, plunged and disappeared into the fire. The gov rep yelled, Holy Shit!!! ABout 10 seconds later before their eyes, the oil well fire was getting snuffed out masked by the black smoke of a dying oil fire.

The gov rep said, 'you've got the contract, I never saw anything like that but it works and quick too'. The contractor asked if they could now land so he could supervise the efforts, they turned and descended and landed. The contractor went running as fast as he could to the now snuffed oil fire. There were 200 mexicans cleaning themselves up, the contractor ran over to Gomez, his lead man, and said we have the contract. I promise all brakes will be checked before creasting any future berms.


The smoke masked an 18 wheeler and 60' trailer with some explosives and 200 mexicans inside the trailer. When the trailer was engulfed by flames the mexicans came pouring out of the trailer like water, stamping out the fire with their feet, OR be burnt up, OR blown up, OR blown up with their peices burnt up. The contratcor was a kind man and didn't want to test fate with his help again, so he assigned a maintenance person just for brakes. To get the best person for the assignment, the contractor picked the one who claimed to be the 1st person out of the trailer, besides that he was suited for vehicle maintenance, his feet were burnt up.




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Wherever you go, there you are. You can't escape.
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Posted: Aug 17 2004, 12:02 PM
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Since this is a joke section, I guess this is the only place to be so lude and crase that would embarrass 2 dogs screwing on an Interstate medium.


Why did god give women legs?

So they wouldn't leave slug trails everywhere they go.







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Wherever you go, there you are. You can't escape.
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Posted: Aug 17 2004, 12:22 PM
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Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking,
>Surely I can't look that old?"
>I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new
>dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
>
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name
had been in my highschool class some 40-odd years ago. Upon seeing him,
however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired
man with the deeply lined face 'was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Lawton Senior
Highschool.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Wolverine." he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1961. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-bitch
asked, "What did you teach?"





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Wherever you go, there you are. You can't escape.
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Posted: Aug 18 2004, 06:45 AM
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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, What
are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands
have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded,"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice,
telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.




"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

cheers.gif cheers.gif




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Posted: Aug 18 2004, 09:15 AM
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A great disaster came and killed off most of humanity. There were crowds at the gates of heaven, me and PuPP were standing in line together making fun of everyone there in line to cross the gates. Our time came as we reached St. Pete at the gates. We were looking in at heaven, he said, "enter into heaven, PuPP". St. Pete and I, continued in banter for a few when I saw George Carlin walking down the street with a hideous, ugly woman chained to him. I asked St. Pete, WTF? Petey said, "well, George had been good on earth, but he hadn't been that good". I said, "OOOOhhh......." Then, on the other side of the street I saw PuPP walking with Cyndy Crawford chained to him. I looked at St. Pete with big eyes, and asked again, WTF? St. Pete said, "well, Cyndy had been good on earth, but she hadn't been that good".




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Wherever you go, there you are. You can't escape.
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Posted: Aug 18 2004, 10:59 AM
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bustingup.gif biggrin.gif laugh.gif tongue.gif handclap.gif




--------------------
QUOTE
"Ye shall know them by their fruits"
~ Matthew 7:16

"Believe nothing. No matter where you read it, or who said it, even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."
~ Buddha
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Posted: Aug 19 2004, 04:28 AM
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cool.gif

An old farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.

The trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed and began to
throw his weight around to intimidate the old man and make him
uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper began writing the ticket.

As he wrote he kept swatting at a bunch of flies that were buzzing
around his head.
The farmer said, "I see you're havin' some problems with them circle
flies."


The trooper stopped writing and said, "Well, yeah, if that's what they
are... I never heard of circle flies."


"Well, circle flies are common on farms," the farmer said... then added,
"They're called circle flies 'cause they're mostly found circlin' around
the rear ends of horses."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.


After a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute -- are you
callin' me a horse's ass?"


The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law
enforcement to call you a horse's ass."


"Well, that's a good thing," the cop replies, and goes back to writing
the ticket.


After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies, though".






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Posted: Aug 26 2004, 08:35 AM
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THE SUPERNATURAL
A professor at the University of South Carolina was giving a
lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks "How
many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in
ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raised their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has
anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hands.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have
any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, Bubba from Tennessee raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, in all the
years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made
love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your
experience."
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began
to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So,
Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Bubba replied, "Sh-t.....From way back thar I thought you said,
Goats!"




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Posted: Aug 26 2004, 11:35 AM
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HEHEHE

Good jokes, CJ. Hey, Georgia, Alabama, especially Louisianna have some real ARTIFACTS running loose down there. Most are worthy of STUDY. However, thinking hard, Tennessee does have MORE than it's share of FREAKS, SATANISTS, NWO, LIZARDS, and WHITE TRASH.


I admit I had dates with PIGS. I use to travel to different states consulting. I would get on yahoo (when it was free) and contact women, swap pics, I would get them all worked up on the phone on to be greatly disappionted when I'm met them. Mostly, they lied about their appearance and their picture was a 10-15 year old glamour photo that reflected only their past and their wishes. I'm 6'1" and have been molested many times. Getting away from those snorters was often hard. Out of 100+ I met, only 6 was worthy and out of 6 only 2 was worthy of a lengthly tour.

It turns out that it's better to go trolling in bars than go through the hassle and being scared outta my wits or offended because they lied so hard. These PIGS (and wishful liars) are in every state, At least in a bar we both know what we're looking at. Well, I've slowed to a stop. I save my juju for added power and umph, women are a distraction for me. More distraction than pleasure. Even when they say "only for sex" that means sex all the time, making it into a relationship from a span of a month of marathon sex. And they say "I won't get serious", yeah right! As soon as I see their "ugly face" (hehe) I know it will no longer be "I'm not serious". Then, I have that thing going about relationships and stuff like that. Distracting me because they always get hurt for wanting or expecting more than a trophy piece of meat. I can't comprehend a relationship at the present. I'm way busy,...........doing stuff.



Visit this link:
http://65.54.187.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=...fRedNeck%2ehtml





You'll laff yerassoff.











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Posted: Aug 26 2004, 11:56 AM
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Heheheh


You can run but you can't hide forever!





Your linki no worki today...


I really like laughinemeassoff!




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Posted: Aug 30 2004, 07:12 AM
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WHO SAID MEN AREN'T SENSITIVE?

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up
being together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet
cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way
along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge
enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,
especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to
him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!
She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss... and then they rip each other's
clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and
they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and
asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for you?"
The guy yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."





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~ James A. Garfield, President of the United States


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